Hi everyone ... have alot on my mind as usual - it's nothing new lol this posting is idk random, a bit of ranting maybe and likely alot of whining lol likely to be a smidget of a pity party as well ... wish I had interesting as well as naughty topics to write about but sadly I don't ...
It seems every time I turn around I'm off to another doctor appointment lol when on various prescriptions they are constantly dragging you into the office for a visit ... I know I frustrate the doctors since I extend their 3 mo. checkups to like 6 mos lol even then still need to go too often ... I have to see a cardiologists for cholestrol medications since can't take statin drugs ... then there is the orthopedic doctor for joint issues due to arthritis (bone on bone in hand) ...and Ophthalmologists for eye checkups ... hopefully won't need the vascular doctor as the vein issues are resolved at least for time being lol then there is the dentist lol ...
wow - thats like at least 5 health care professionals lol all can say is it really seriously just sucks to get old ... have to argue with the doctors to keep the medications to a minimum as they always want/try to push for more rxs or the tests keep pushing ... I'm sure they are not happy that I keep refusing to cooperate lol
As far as this site goes, I am getting really bored with the unending offers to take care of me lol having to deal with the negative responses when I remind them I'm not interested in meeting anyone or playing or sexting etc. ... that I assure them doing them a favor passing on their offer(s) and spare them the trauma of seeing me naked - that I am not sexy, attractive etc. - clothing hides many flaws ... I wouldn't want to traumatize anyone with this body lol I'm serious ... not exaggerating in the least ... I traumatize myself every time I end up seeing myself in the mirror - it's really sad/depressing to see how I look now ... now I have to attempt to get my body to point can at least tolerate my body image lol after years of neglect it's not fixable over night ... I likely might pass away before making a significant change for the better lol
I'm fairly sure I've said repeatedly I have no wish to have meaningless casual encounters, hookups, cyber sex/sexting and no wish to ever repeat past mistakes, always hoping for a different outcome lol all I ended up feeling was used ... I think the only half way decent experience was with a couple (M/F) ... I actually hit it off with her even though I'm not into women at all not even a tiny bit lol she was okay with me allowing her to play but me not reciprocating lol think played with them like 4/5 times - I got to know them well enough to allow myself to experience a little bondage play which was interesting experience - being blind folded and restrained while they had their fun with me lol funny thing with that situation was they broke up few months later since they had an agreement to always play together and of course he didn't honor the agreement lol
The only fantasies not fulfilled would be one where have two men (one bi)/a couple M/M ... it's so hot seeing two men together ... and the other fantasy was to experience sex with a well built and well hung guy who was idk a passionate lover for a smoking hot night of great sex lol anyway my personal experiences taught me that although fantasies are great - in reality they are not so great ...
I haven't gotten to the Y this week yet since wasn't free to do so .. have several yearly checkups needed to get out of the way - not to forget I had a mandatory dryer inspection/smoke alarm update visit this week ... and still have to submit paperwork/documents by Friday in order to renew my lease (yearly) ... think it's like 30 pages ... oh and now on the 21st is a community inspection where random occupied apartments will be inspected - oh joy ... think the yearly review/renewal for PCAP assistance is coming as well as the yearly review/renewal for medical assistance/food stamps ...
Well guess I feel slightly better unloading all the above lol I hope to brave night driving so can participate in the Aqua Fit class at least once this week ... and go to the Sun afternoon Water walking class ... hopefully can attend a few of the water aerobic classes next week ... fingers crossed I manage to drag myself out of the apartment ... remember change is not easy - it's hard to step out of one's comfort zone (s) ...
When I managed to get out of the abusive situation first marriage was - it felt really off/strange when being treated differently by any nice guy ... was even idk jumpy for a time - flinching when someone raised their voice or moved at me suddenly always on the defensive ... took time to move past all that ... trust issues are still there to some small extent - will give someone benefit of the doubt - one strike (not 3) but once loose my trust I'm done ... no multiple chances to redeem themselves - one and done ...
I haven't heard from my son Alex so hopefully he's doing okay ... have to send him a text and voice text message with a few "mom thingys" this weekend ... just to let him know someone is thinking about him ...
My sister-in-law invited me to a fund raiser event for a friend of hers on Sat at Richland Fire Hall - be good to hang out for awhile and catch up with everyone there ... her coworkers are a nice group of people ..
Well I think managed to purge idk some negativity/issues and feel a little lighter now lol as usual seems I can't keep a posting on the short side lol hopefully haven't posted any duplicate items
Hope everyone is having a good week ... I really appreciate the blog communities tolerating my weird little blog lol I have been spending time trying to explore blogs when I can ... so many creative and interesting bloggers/blogs ...
take care all xo
4 comments
Wow, LMBO!
Hi